


Shut Me Up

by damimenhaas (weightedlive)



Series: Oneshots [2]
Category: Smosh
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Songfic, its 1:30 in the morning and i was inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-13 03:43:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20575898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weightedlive/pseuds/damimenhaas
Summary: I can't go backDon't think I willI won't sleep tonight as long as I still hear the drums of the city rain.Based on "Brother" by Gerard Way. for starbie.





	Shut Me Up

He knew he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight.

Everything was just too loud, the dripping of the water from the leaky kitchen sink, the thoughts rushing through his head like a racecar, and the rain. The pounding fucking rain. It sounded like war drums in his head, drowning out anything and everything and pounding into his skull like a hammer.

It would be so easy to pick up the phone now. It would be like muscle memory, pressing on his contact image, listening to the dial tone. It would be like an old memory to hear his voice, to let his fingers tremble against the bed as they used to when they spoke. When they laughed together when they drank too much and got too close to each other. 

He knew it was the only thing that would get him to stop the panic setting into his chest. All he wanted was to hear his voice. To hear him say  _ anything _ to him. He missed his voice so much. He wanted to go back to when they were young when they would go to clubs and try to meet girls, but the arms they would fall into would always be each other’s. He wanted to be in his car, looking at him in the technicolor of the stoplight and his own filtered vision. He would always drive him back to his apartment, walk him to the door, say goodnight. But he would never leave. He always clung to him, pushed him up against the door, do something that drove him  _ crazy _ . And he would wake in the morning and feel his warmth missing from the bed, and they would never talk about it again.

The memory washed over him in time with the beating rain, pounding against his skin. He closed his eyes and let himself imagine his eyes, that brilliant blue that he had only imagined from the poetry he read. The smile that tugged at his chest like a magnet, pulling him in closer the wider it grew.

Everything was pouring through his head as the rain got louder, banging on his windows in an unforgiving fury. He could see him running ahead of him, his smile and eyes shining brighter than the lights around them. He chased after him and he couldn’t stop laughing, no matter how hard he tried to. They were sitting on the roof of his building, drinking whatever cheap liquor they had found, listening to the sounds of the city below them.

He would let him stay on his couch when drank took too much. He would tuck him in and kiss his forehead so gently, softer than anything he had ever felt.  _ Goodnight, Damien _ , he said,  _ sleep tight _ . He would never go to his room. He always slept on the floor, right next to him. He would always fall asleep first, and it was so soothing to listen to him breathe. It always helped him fall asleep too, melting into the couch cushions like he had never left.

He sat up in his bed and looked to the clock ahead of him. The neon numbers glowed in the darkness and stung at his eyes. 3:29. He would be asleep now, he had to be. But he still found himself reaching for the phone, holding down the call button for too long, hesitating so little, and letting the ringing pierce his ear.

_ Hey, this is Shayne. Sorry I missed your call, just leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.  _

He could hear the smile in his voice, and even though it wasn’t in the recording, he could hear himself making fun of him as he recorded, making him laugh. He sounded so happy, so full of life. The dull tone rang through his head, and his breath shuddered as he spoke.

“Hey Shayne… you’re probably confused because I’m calling you. I can’t sleep. Again. I know you’re busy, but I just needed to hear your voice.”

He let out a trembling sigh, and he noticed his fingers shake against his thigh. Just like they always did.

“Do you remember running through the walk of fame that night? When we got shitfaced and cried on the roof about auditions? We were so fucking young.”

He shook his head, breathing heavily through his nose.

“It would be so much easier to go back there. To be with you in your apartment, making up stories and laughing our asses off. I know we can’t go back, I don’t thin’t we ever will. But I need you to know that I haven’t stopped thinking of you. I kept the promise. I haven’t touched anything since the accident. That’s why I need to talk to you. I can’t sleep. I can never fucking sleep. The rain sounds like an AC/DC song. You would love it. I know you would.”

There was a clap of thunder that shook the window frames, and he jumped.

“I wish you would pick up. Let me talk to you. I miss you so much. I never stopped loving you. I hope you didn’t.” 

He looked at the raindrops slamming against the window, flowing so fast and connecting into rivers that he could name with one look. 

“I’m not sleeping tonight if this rain keeps up. You could stop it, you always could. Goodnight Shayne. I love you so much.”

He hung up an fell back on his bed, staring at the emptiness above him, letting his vision dance with imagined faces and animals that appeared. He closed his eyes and felt the cool sheets against his skin, listened to the rain. He would lay there until the sun broke through the clouds and stopped the rain, just like it always did. 

A familiar ringtone disrupted the sound, and his heart seized in his chest. The contact image stared back at him, smiling so brightly it burned his eyes.

He looked at the screen for far too long, hesitating again. He always hesitated. But the moment he pressed answer button he felt the rain washing over him again.

He didn’t have to say anything as he pressed the phone to his ear.

“I miss you too.” He smiled. He could hear the sleepiness in his voice, like he had just woken up.

“So what should we do?”

He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “I’ll pick you up.”

“Ten minutes.” He said. He heard a laugh on the other side.

“Five.”

“Perfect.”

They didn’t say goodbye. They didn’t have to. They wouldn’t have to say it ever again.


End file.
